Digital Diary; Look are not everything

I was fascinating by Cameron Russel a  supper top model when she talking in the TEDtalks. I have been following this channel through Youtube since several months ago, it’s one of reason I run out of  internet data very fast than my normal use hehehe, well it’s worth to watch for, tho..

As a model who have worked with such client; Vogue, Elle, Calvin Klein, Victory’s Secret Cameron was talked about look is powerful and superficial. She talking about how insecurity frame her thought, she worried about how she looks every day behind the camera. Because all that magazines had printed is contraction of  herself. Yeah, I know how this feeling, when you start feel insecure because the person that most people know you are is the person who have been through many re-touch of media of publication. But, I can understand her, I can understand all models. They don’t have to be judge by some person for their appearance out of their work industry.

What I want to talking about is this—Look.

Growing up as a gril who doesn’t like to speak up a lot and perefer to work in silent, i don’t make a lot of acts that my peer mostly did. Instead of making noise gather around with bunch of cool gengs I prefer to poolish my writing hobbies since  I was in junior high school at home. Instead of  looking for boyfriend and started learning how  to kissing, petting, or even worst you can imagine about, I choose to day dreaming myself in K-pop (yeah, I was a k-poper since junior high school. Oh come on don’t make a funny look at me hahahahahaha). So, simply said instead of being famous and stunning I was a kid in average. I didn’t do so much appealing action.

Until one day I found myself captured in my personal camera, FYI since I like doing photography I never taking a lot of picture of my face. Don’t asking me why? Because who the hell know why? Including me. My mom’s relevant explanation said; around 4 or 5 years old me have phobia toward lighting of camera, so because I was born in the era where camera should to released their lighting when capturing thing, for God’s sake— I’m not going smiling  in front of camera at that time.

It’s make sense, maybe that’s why I don’t like capturing my face a.k.a selfie or looking at thing which can reflect my appearance—errrr—like mirror (?).

So, after finding myself finally capturing not-really-bad picture of me, I feel so glad I’m not making weird look. I was 18 at that time, it was my first year in University, as college student I discovered a lot of things about photography art on the internet. I was attracted to professional who worked amazingly, they capturing photos and re-touched them in flawless way. So, as trial my current-taken-selfie was going to construction, editing my tone skin that’s first point I was concern about at that time, then touch my lips little bit gloosy like i used some of lipstick product which i wasn’t on the picture and fouilaaaaa my picture turning from average me to be amazing me. Oh, this is a masterpiece, I created this for my personal interesting.

I’m still 18, and so naïve, and vulnerable human being, without any re-think I upload that picture into my personal Facebook account that I never expected before will be booming me. I’m using Facebook in trying-to-related-to-the-world, this is the thing at that time, I was free sign up, and people build Facebook for keep intouch with their friends, or even have not specific reason. So, do I. I created Facebook for no specific reason (in case Mark never asking people specific reason before they sign up for Facebook) which I never making any move or  certain progress. But, what I got is a big worst impact. This comment like punch me on the face and molested me so much. Moreover, person who did this to me is the very close childhood friend. I never dreaming she would do some kind of this immature things.

Fake, trash face, and many unapropriate explaination she has wrote. She and her companion then continue writing something about me like “ she repaire her picture to sell it for bunch of guy, in case he never get into boy before, so she acttracts them to get some experience by faking her fucking dumb face” on her Facebook timeline.

I don’t have any idea why she so sentimental with me. Last time we talk like after  highschool graduated. We going to difference high school, different friends, different vision. We ever have once made a promise for going  to same college in the future, but that’s not me who held accountable when she can’t passed while I’m going through. No matter how much I’m thinking about this, I have no clue for exact reason for what she had done. She ruined me in social media. The only strong reason was that promise we have made before. She couldn't make it, so when I’m passed she assumed like I cheated her, like I'm not keeping our promise for going in the same college together, it couldn’t be something else. I am not stunning, famous, sexiest pretty babe as her, she couldn’t said because I’m stabing her and stollen her boyfriend for the reason of  her unmoral behaviour on Facebook.

Honestly, I was sick since that moment. I closed my Facebook account, Insecure for being persent outdoor, it’s like there is someone who keep thinking the same thought like hers everytime I move my step. Like everyone targeting me and mocking me behind. I’m not comfortable talking face to face with people especially male. She killed me for sure.

This is my invention; the worst weapons to kill someone are insult their character, torture them by verbal abuse, they will  death worst then you set a gun on their head. They are walking around, but they are just death body that the spirit have been taken away.

Why look so matter? Why look make you labeling human. Why someone else’s face  will determine their value which we already realized we are just the same damn skull face at the end of the day. Why we so overbearing something that God is borrowed us for awhile.

Can’t any boy look beyond? Look what his/her head has? they got a treasure in it, they can be capable invent new planet, making a lot of money, why face still a major problem?

We all worth the same, why we need to be injustice for each other when we breath, we eat, in exact same way. We normally formed just the same. So, why we need to overbearing and give a degrade look for another? Listen my friend, even victorya secret’s model has their own imperfection. Human is perfect in imperfection beautiful character.

ps: stil trying to be better writer in english, pardon my broken english. piss:)